No
Doubt? Well…
Text:
John 20:19-31
How ironic, with this text, is it that April
Fool’s Day was this last Monday? I don’t know about you, but I find myself “more
cautious” on that day, not sure what to believe or who to trust. Well, after
all, my manager at work hid the coffee to be brewed and the bakery to be
stocked on one of my coworkers, and he taped all of the cups together, so if
you grabbed one, you grabbed them all. That one was meant for me, but, once
again, my coworker ended up being the recipient. Then, my manager tried to
convince me that I had agreed to work later…I was almost certain I hadn’t…But
then, the seed of doubt crept in, and I started to think, Did I? Alas, I did not. :)
Doubt…Okay, how many of us have ever
experienced it? I believe we encounter and experience it every day, in
different shapes and sizes. After announcing this week that Pastor Renita and I
would be tag-teaming with our reflections on doubt, wouldn’t you know it, I was
bombarded this week! As I prepare to leave my well-known places to go on
internship, the following thoughts have run through my mind: Am I really using
the gifts that God has given me? Does what I do really matter? Do I truly make
a difference? Will anyone know I was here? Am I replaceable? You give some
people an inch, they will take a mile to do that…People try to push you out, bringing
up past insecurities…Which left me with the question: Why do nice people finish
last? Or why do bad things happen to good people? Does it have to be this way?
You know, I think Thomas gets a bad rap. Corey
Lange had found a cartoon, and I think Renita may have posted it on Facebook, where
Thomas is refuting the name “Doubting,” because we don’t call Peter, “Denying
Peter.” That’s true. And, we even see that Peter and the other disciples had
doubts of their own. Last week, it was the women at the empty tomb who
proclaimed the Good News of Christ risen. The men didn’t believe the women.
Even Peter had doubts…Instead of taking the women at their word, he had to go
to the tomb and see for himself. Kind of like Thomas saying in verse 25, “Unless
I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the
nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
You know, in a previous lifetime, I, too,
may have chastised Thomas, like some of the scholars I read. But, as I have
journeyed through seminary and life, I find that I am more like Thomas than I
thought. I wrestled with doubt when my oldest sister passed away three years
ago. We prayed and prayed for physical healing, but it didn’t come. I was let
down, hurt, even angry. We hear from some sources that the reason one isn’t
healed is because he or she doesn’t have enough faith. NO ONE can tell me that
I didn’t have enough hope or faith for healing. We need to beware of “prosperity
gospels” that turn God into a “magic genie,” like the one in Aladdin. God is the One Who walks with
us, carries us, in the midst of the hurt in this broken world.
I have wrestled with doubt in regards to
internship, others telling you that you cannot restrict to the Twin Cities,
even if you have elderly parents. Trust is so hard. Trusting that God is at
work in and through the people deciding where we go. Remembering that God has
us and is bigger than any committee or situation.
I have wrestled with doubt in regards to
ever getting married. Let’s face it: I’m NOT getting any younger! And the
number of men knocking at the door of a female pastor is pretty slim. Maybe God
is preparing me and him, but when? Who? If ever? I need evidence! ;) (Or the “Run
Like Adam Levine Is Waiting at the Finish Line” running T-shirt that Dean Libby
found for me this week. ;) )
You know, Thomas is actually the brave one,
putting to words what may be going on in our own hearts and minds. Would we
believe if we saw Christ crucified, to be told he appeared?
Last week during the sunrise service I had
said that “doubt and questions aren’t the opposite of faith but rather an
ingredient. Faith isn’t knowledge; it’s a gift, not being able to understand
all the mystery of the resurrection but to be inspired to live in hope and
believe it’s true.”
I am a positive person, but I also know that
life isn’t always “rainbows, unicorns, and warm fuzzies.” But, just as faith is
a gift, I believe my positivity is, too. I can see the bright side in a dark
world. My time in the valley isn’t as long as someone else’s. But, I’ve been
there. We all have.
I started my last quarter of school Thursday
night, which, even though a LONG time coming, it is still hard to believe. A
quote the professor gave was, “The opposite of faith is not doubt, but
certainty.” It’s okay to ask questions. We don’t have all the answers. We’re
human. Jesus, God in flesh, knows that. And he generously offers himself to
Thomas. This Gospel is a story of hope and promise, not judgment and reprimand.
Jesus comes to him! And Christ comes to us today, in the bread and wine when we
come to the table for Holy Communion, and in the faces of our neighbors.
Where may you be experiencing doubt today?
May it lead you to an encounter with our risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Caroline Harthun
House of Prayer Lutheran Church
8:30am and 10:45am
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Me with my "Tag Team Preaching Partner," Renita Eidenschink
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